Mitch Hedberg Jokes

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

Mitch Hedberg

I like buying snacks from a vending machine because food is better when it falls. Sometimes at the grocery, I'll drop a candy bar so that it will achieve its maximum flavor potential.

Mitch Hedberg

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Mitch Hedberg

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Mitch Hedberg

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

Mitch Hedberg

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